Hash Trash

Hash Trash #1526

June 13, 2010

The Pinky Promise:

HOSER DIDN’T AUTO HASH TODAY!!!

Yes SHE did!!! Ms. Sexy Pinky Slit coupled-(ated) with Hose Handler - met this past Sunday to lay trail on El Paso’s Eazsighhhhh Bitches! Finally for some– the long drive to the Westside took a backseat when we met up at Marty Robbins park. True to our promise to arrive on time, we did only to find that Ms. Pinky was still at home. I’ll let Cock Shock Therapy have his way with this one on Facebook. One by one the hounds trickled in. First and foremost I have to say that this lay not only had a great trail (so they told me), but gave us the complete package[check] - beginning to end. No Cock teasing here baby! However we may have some renaming to do due to post hashbehavior from our hounds and harriettes—more on that later.

Virgins and more virgins and we didn’t even have to go to local boys club #69 to recruit! If you tap it, they will come. Sorry kiddos, you ain’t drinking if your pee pee don’t have hair on it, k? Just that our peeps ACTUALLY have jobs and we don’t wanna have to explain why we contributed to the delinquency of minors especially since we’re still trying to explain how Heineken pumped last week’s keg better than Crouchy. Don’t worry, there is always enough material for your “spank bank” during an EPH3 hash. Hares OUT! - Pinky (aka Mexitar) took her long-ass stride alongside her mentor. I stayed with the group for the onset of the trail, but soon found myself lost with Cabooty. I knew she could run faster than Hoser could walk and so I took a chance. Besides, I wanted to increase my sexiness by association. I mean she FBooks her morning runs every day—”Cabooty ran 105 mi on Jun. 16, 02:29 am (Time: 00:48:00).” Yeah I know. FRBeatch. Well, I’d figured, if I got lost, at least I knew where “A” was. So she and I headed towards Lee Trevino—paralleling the rest of the pack. I’m surprised on the lack of boob checks on trail—Hoser having been recently baptized as a boob man,- WAIT! I WASN’T on trail. We Zenned our asses around and down toward I-10 hoping to spot trail. (I know you wanna hear about the circle up part) Ok...but before I do, we really did Zen to B. Some Pussies in boots called it luck, we call it experience. We could see hounds East of our trail when I got to James Whatt the Phuck and there ...clear as our urine during a random drug test, I saw a trail mark! And then BEER NEER! Hey, it’s Head Blower’s place! Haven’t been there since the Bad Hair Day Hash. B! For the record, we did back track to double check the trail—how could it be that we got so lucky? EXPERIENCE bitches!

Besides Hoser wasn’t even at B. Hmmmm. When he did arrive, he quickly accused us of CHEATING. ‘C'mon Hoser, we Zenned and found B –don’t be hatin, be lovin! Besides Porta was back and Wakes Me brought Fosters!! Once again, our beautiful MILF– Ballsy was nominated for the Hashshit—she swallowed like a champ too! After the last accusation all I could say is “Man, did the group celebrate or what?” My peripheral was (again) in FULL SCAN. Harriettes were on full duty and our beloved Hash Harlot—Sushi Taco was scanning the Lone Star. Ok ok relax..not gonna go there—but Cabooty, sporting her teeni-mini kilt—did stage a harriete dance behind Hoser’s truck—Used Rubber had babysitting duty, and Shigless’ hole got bigger (jean hole). Balls were flying, boobs were prelubed and B.A. levels were rising AND SO we stayed little longer. Clucker Phucker, in his usual fashion, showed up late or EARLY depending on what day you’re on. The group met up at Maverick’s for the on after. Apparently that’s the last time too—We simply don’t tolerate hashintolerance especially for our 4-legged friends.

It is safe to say that this time it was ALL PORTA’S FAULT! If you have a half mind, bring it next time—ON ON Twat Rott.

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Hash Trash #1525

June 6, 2010

THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY! We’ve got Bush and Clouds?

Well I’ll be damned...just flown in from my trip to Boston and the devil has decided to use El Paso as his ironing board eh? Cabron it was hot. What happened? Well, the GODS were crazy for the hash that day. Clouds, wind and more clouds. What can be better? I’d tell ya but CST hasn’t tried it on me yet. Dogg E. Porn and Cunti promised a long and well marked trail on El Paso WEZside? Peeps are asking, how cum there’s no trails on the Eastside? Sign up and lay my broder and sista! You get to choose the location...how about one in Horizon City??? Before the hash, Wakes Me prelubed at his casa—missing his Pussy—he welcomed us to his home. There the pack, along with his pack, cooled off before the hash. By the way, Hoser is NOW a boob man.

The hounds met on Redd near the Walmart. Is it me or did anyone notice that THAT parking lot was free of used diapers? Oh and Wakes Me’s guests were conspiring a way to zen their asses back to his pool. The pack readied themselves sporting their camelbacks, gatorade and 1000 SPF protection. Except for Hoser—who mocked us all. “Why did you guys bring WATER? For what? You all spent all that money on your packs”...blah blah..Hey RA, we don’t all autohash our asses to “B” under the protection of FREON—Okay?!!!! Yeah, I said it. Now I’m gonna get it!!! Hey MOSES...get back to the desert and let us suck on our hoses. Hares out! Used Rubber and Pink Slit modeled their “Woman specific” camelback—all this means is that it has an extra 3 industrial size snaps to support their DD cups. Oh, did I mention Hoser is now a boob man? Hounds out...the large pack headed up to Franklin High school. Before that, I specifically remember asking Heineken Skywalker to stay with me. “Hey Heineken, Porta is not here, don’t you try to mock him by wanting to be FRB, ok?” He just stared at me and replied, “mande?” Did he listen? NO. Crouching Vagina and Toyz both zoomed passed everyone—Extra batteries? I think so.

Pretty soon we encountered some intense wind-age—Hey, we weren’t complaining—rather bugs in our mouths than chafing between our legs. Pimp my Bride and her siblings were going back and forth “competing” nonetheless, for a front bastard position. Yeah, I saw you! Moosenuckle was busy collecting FB profile names so he could reach 10,000 friends by the end of the month—HEY, you wanna send my abuelita a Farmville request to find your sheep or what?? The trail continued on a whirl wind of zig zags, down and around the west side neighborhoods. I think I was with Used Rubber who kept adjusting her top (her breasts KEPT POPPING out of her bathing suit). By the way, she has a twin in the hash and it ain’t her SISTER. Sorry gentlemen, I believe she prefers Lesbian Boy if I’m not mistaken—ON ON to our new sista! And just we thought trail was over, it went up the mountain to High Ridge Park. I was on my last breath when I realized I had not seen Heineken the entire trail. I crawled through Sunday picnics, as I made my way to B. FRB Heineken was already playing in the cacti and with a Tetanus infected rebar that my fellow hashers had probably given him. Crouching Vagina, was chosen for beer bitching duties but only managed to serve 2 down downs before complaining— “I don’t know how to do this...I’ve never served beer—I’ve only served Chi and Green Tea.” Teacher was bitching that we were over pumping the keg—he hovered over the keg like Food Stamp on a harriette—Oh shit, that’s in the near future...

Circle UP!!! We managed to pitch out a naming for Just Damien while his hot mother frolicked around the circle. Beer Battered “pollinated” as many harriettes as he could tip toe too including Ms. Slutty White Trash—who wasn’t very impressed—”Hey Beer Battered, is it in yet?” After a serious of accusations, the group decided to stay until the last drop. Besides, our hounds were too busy being cockteased by the harriettes. Could it get any better? Yes! NO SUN and the PONY EXPRESS. I vaguely remember, but I think Pony got a bonus boob check from someone before we took off—not gonna say who. Pony, you are one lucky hasher. Hashers want to know - when you get home, do you smell your seat? Until next time, if you have a half-mind, that’s all you need.

ON ON. Twat Rott

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HASH TRASH May 30, 2010

#1524 TOOTH FAIRIE MEMORIAL HASH

Palabra Jot Write a little Hash a Lot!

I’m Baaaaaaaack from my hi-anus! Been a bit busy, fried, and moody. After the events that took place during Eargasm’s virgin lay, I decided to honor Eargam’s ‘wefucked trail by masturbating for every chalk and flour mark he and PW left for us. So as you might imagine, MY HANDS WERE BUSY! Needless to say, that day we instituted our new naming committee (again), collectively use our HEADS (head, who said head?), and came up with some dumbass names. No no, we did a’right. I’m just glad PW wasn’t in the mood to name that day, cuz Just Oscar would have been named “Fuck you Fucking Fuck” and Just V?—”Vaginal Waste.” But he didn’t and EVEN offered to lay an even longer trail some time in the future. That day, half the dumbasses were FRB’s so we won’t get in to that right now.

During the next couple of hashes something surreal happened—Porta was absent. Yes, you heard it right—decided to go on and celebrate his wife's tolerance of him—think he went camping another Sunday and then went off somewhere else—*whispering* I think they call it “recovery.” Oh and who else? Dr. Wang! Finally got poor old Ms. D. Eisenhower to fork over the last of her Savings Bonds to purchase a 2-week Hawaiian getaway. “I left 2 cases of Ensure in the fridge BITCH!” He also left Barney in charge of the sign in sheets and hash outcomes—think Barney still mourning the departure of his Rose is a Rose is a-GONE and forgot to send them!

Despite our half wanking minds, Hoser and Ditch managed to organize the Anal Memorable Hash! Those of you who are new to the hash, we celebrated a beloved hasher named Tooth Faerie who left us too soon :( His beautiful wife, Ditch da Bitch is a reminder of his good taste in women, and the El Paso Hash is a reminder of his good taste in friends! A wonderful turn out ..’course WE were late with the extra cooler and Wakes got mad. But he didn’t stay mad for long—because he started drinking and forgave ONLY Cock Shock. Dats a’right...dats okay. Why the extra beer you may ask? Welllll the previous night we celebrated with a pre-lube. As usual we had more beer than food. Dogs, kids, offenders, and half-minds showed up to pay tribute to TF— sporting their new bandanas designed for the occasion. Dogg E. Porn and Cunti brought their dozen dogs while the punky Ms. Maria KY sported her threads. RA announced that on trail we’d find Woodies! The harriettes ‘sighed’ thinking Hoser had laid 1000 package checks!

Hares out!!! From the corner of Airway and Montana, the large group proceeded across the street ONLY to find themselves in front of our first BEER CHECK! ON IN bitches! At close to 100 degrees, who wouldn’t welcome that eh? I decided to take the under-aged hashers back on trail. Knowing that they are too young to blow, count to 3 or cross the street by themselves, Cuff Me and I let them on to the 2nd and almost immediate ON IN! Yup, Ditch da Bitch and Hoser know how to lay a trail! We skipped it again and that’s where Heineken found his first woody. Reaching down he touched it, took it, smiled and hashed on. Face Shot and Clit Eastwood helped find more trail as we hashed back across Montana. I felt like the COCK-o-Dry Humper as I led the kids on a hunting adventure. No sooner did the rest of the pack get back on trail, I get lost. Eventually, Cuff Me and I made our way back to true trail—until we hit the wall. Cock shock surprisingly found B—even though he was BEHIND me. Yeah I know. Cuff and I made our way to B. Circle UP!!! Was Porta there?? Probably his fault anyway. Keg was ready for consumption and celebration AND there were baby hashers everywhere! Ballsy regressed and opted to roll her butt down the hill with Swallow’s boyz while H2Ho and Face down introduced their littlest hasher...

On a serious note— We were there to celebrate the life of our friend Tooth Faerie..Thank you Hoser and Ditch for making it a grand trail and circle up. Like Hoser said, anyone who knew TF was in essence “blessed.” He was a grand person, smart as hell, witty and had great teeth! He was a true gentlemen. I mean look at who he married!! Need I say more??? Ditch—thank you for allowing us to celebrate your husband. Even though many of our newbees did not have the pleasure of meeting Robert, they will be reminded time and time again because that is what EPH3 is all about. Until next time...if you have a half mind that’s all you need!

ON ON

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WEEKLY MINI ROTT: Full Moon Hash

April 28. 2010 EPH3 Presents

Bad Moon Hash #1517

I see the Hash moon arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see Hose n Pinky Zenning'.
I see Puss pissed today.

(CHORUS:)
Don't go zen’n around tonight,
Well, it's bound to take your wife,
There's a Hash moon on the rise.

I hear Hoser screams ablowing.
I know PW’s coming soon.
I fear he’ll never start the Circle.
I hear Hoser’s voice of rage and ruin.
(CHORUS)
Hope you got your chalk together.
Hope you are quite prepared to mark.
Looks like we're in for nasty whining.
Even with cops a-stopping in the dark.

(CHORUS)

Hare – Cock Shock Therapy

FRB – for the first time, Puff the Magic Drag Queen

Hashit – Cabeauty

DFL – Paging Doctor Faggot (getting outta the Army, now!, on his way to Austin) took it, but Hoser and Pink Slit, lost in the dark

Dead On Trail – Pussy Whipt, Puss In Boots

Must get named – Just Marc II, Just Jess, Just V

Sub RA – PortaJohn

To the rescue – Sushi Taco

Cumming problemo - Whoreo

Lunatards, targeted by John Law –NO DICK for U! Heineken Skywalker & Twat, Lil Easy, Used Rubber, Anal Akbar, Baa Baa Lost Shit, Beer Badderd, Eat=mycunt2wice & Doktor Wang

And no dogs!

Need I say more? Sin fin. ON ON! Twat Rott

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HASH TRASH Who let the dogs out??? #1514

April 11, 2010 #1514

3^rd Anal MADD Dawg 20/20 Memorial Run

Palabra Jot Palabra Jot…Write a little, Hash a lot!

Who let the Barn out???? Woof woof woof woof wo wo woof…Whoooooooooo let the Barn out? Woof woof woof woof woof??

Holy hell fire shit…was that da Barney we saw at our anal dog run? Did he finish all his honey dos? Aren’t we relieved he isn’t writing THIS ONE? Just saying…This hash IS one of our favorites - honoring our beloved Madd Dawg 20/20 (who is now hashing in eternal joy surrounding by doggie treats and fire hydrants) and all hashing and non hashing dogs who bring us so much joy! ‘sniff sniff’

We met up early for our quarterly MisManagement meeting - late only to find that our GMc had already started taking notes! Wow! Isn’t that our On-Sec’s job? Soon after that the pack began to make their way in to Point A – Pussy Rican’s casa! Our canine hosts Franky and Poncho were ecstatic to see their buddies arrive. There sure was a lot of butt smelling going on…till Pinky snapped at Wang….”Hey carbon, don’t you be touching my boob…just cause Hoser honors them, don’t mean it’s a free for all..a’right?” I thought we’d be seeing his tiny bitch fly across the pool….dats for sure! The beautiful and still glowing Rectal Monitor introduced us to the littlest hasher and her sister although she CLAIMS her as her mother..right. MAN that baby is soooooooooooooooooooo cute! We need a NaMING: Tiny Limb! [I couldn’t resist].

BUT WAIT A MINUTE..NO Dogg E. Porn. What? Come que no Dogg E. Porn? It’s ain’t right! And NO Just Brutus?? Oooooh wait, I remember, he doesn’t do well in the heat ‘cause he’s a purebread and nana nana na na nana..yeah whaterver! Pinche perro delicado! The neighborhood looked like Consuelo’s daughter’s Quinceañera..whooo hooo! We parked..well EVERYWHERE..if there was a space..there was a parking. The Pony Express introduced the Chile Pick’n Party Platform. Neighbors sprung out of their homes hoping to hire one of us to paint their house! Simma Sima down Willow peeps..we are tax paying AMERI-can-do’s ---and um sorry for the oil stains.

Bitches out!!! Our hares Pussy Rican and Ms. Ballsy prepared a great trail fit for two and four legged hashers. By the way, you can tell we’re not from the area because NOT ONE OF US carried zip lock (poop bags). What? What? It’s biodegradable, no? Shit…we carry bologna – isn’t that good enough? Pony a.k.a. the dog whisperererer… stood by the CPPP and handed out dogs like queso at the beginning of the month -“Who wants to take one of my dogs? Anyone? Anyone?” Heineken, Pussy Whipt, Lil Easy, her bo-hunk, Just Bryan, Turd, Used Rubber, Just Veronica and some newbies headed off to the ‘runner’s trail’ and immediately got lost. Where the hell was the blood hound when we needed him? Some actually started following BJ hasher Yo Mama despite countless warnings that that he DID NOT know where he was going. I can’t remember if that other BJ chick..you know the “cat lady” who comes out on 20/20’s Predator show was following too or out looking for pussy. Then we hit the wall. Yup…they even chalked instructions to get our asses over it. Yeah - thanks Ms. Size 2 and 4. Let’s just say those boyz found out why they named me TWAT ROTT. Yup like a perfect gentleman, Lil Easy’s man helped me over that damn wall. Guy….I have two words for you: TOMATO JUICE. The pack managed to stay together most of the trail up until we hit the El Paso Country Club! Damn G…dem are some purty houses! Bet they’re not bitching about my President, eh??? [Off my podium]. Thank god THEY water their trees cause we hit shade most of the trail!!! In my usual fashion, I recruited hashers to lay upcoming trails….So? so? We eventually made our way towards the Rio Grande to find that the pack had already made it to B!!

Alas the pack and the pack circled up! Who let the Dogs out?? We did! That other A.W.O.L.ed BJ hasher who was dating that red headed chick..don’t know here name ..well her dog was a-hatn the pack. Hey CESAR!!!! We have a RED Zone Case. Damn..you burly looked at his “out of standard” Boxer face and he growled - then snapped at our groins!!!! Paquito managed to go untazed and Banjo was out looking for Max. And then it happened. From a distance, like an unregistered sex offender, we see Clucker Fucker sitting in his van. WTF is he doing? I mean, he’s already passed the “hash cash pay zone” so why not drive up? Well he did and drank for it. We had 3 namings to do too..that’s 3 too many for OUR pack. Well at least Dr. Wang didn’t throw one of his hissy-fits. The pack and pack sang, howled, and sniffed each other’s asses and Hoser even added two more accusations!!!! We once again boarded the Pony Express 2 furnished with special seating thanks to Farmer’s Dairy. We held on to our kids and dogs and made our way back to A. Other items of interest:

Hares – Balls In Hand & Pussy Rican

Hashit - Mary KY

Hundredth bandana – Balls In Hand WOW after 3 years!

Named – Just Joseph -> Face Shot, Just Bryan -> Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Just Phoenix -> Defurred after she showed WHY she should be named this

Hash hounds – too many to list

Showed up at Point A – Rectal Monitor, baby & mom / Think Clitigation did the same thing, to drop off doggee treats

Only one virgin signed up – Just Johnny

Visiting hasher – Cumfusion Say, ColumbiaH3 and Yo Mamma

In recuperation – Wakes Me When it’s Over

Super cumming problemos – Fudgie Packer, Strawberry Short Dick Forever, Groping BarKnee

The resuvus – Yours truly, Cock Shock Therapy, Bi the Numbers, PortaJohn, Elmer Pud Phucker, Used Rubber, Just Eli, Just Clayton, Paging Doctor Faggot, STIFFY, Pussy Whipt, Pink Slit, Heineken Skywalker, Puss In Boots, Baby Wood, Just Veronica, Lil Easy, Hoser, Limp Limb, Just Jess, Anal Akbar, Turd Burglar, Furr Burger with Thighs, Hacker Wacker, Dr Wang, Clit Eastwood, Clucker Fucker, Itchy N Scratchy

Let’s us think about our true intention for this run – to celebrate our 4-legged friends. Thanks to all who attended and who donated for our worthy cause. And remember to spay and neuter your pets, drink all your beer and join us next week for another hare raising adventure!

Sin fin. On On. Twat Rott

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EASTER WHERE ARE MY HASH TRASH 4/4/10

April 4, 2010

Easter Hash #1513

Where are my Huevos?

Palabra Jot Palabra Jot…Write a little, Hash a lot!

Here comes Peter Cock-On-Trail,
Hashin' down the crumby trail,
Hippity hoppity, On On On

Point B’s on its way.

Bringin' ev’ry harriette and boy

Markings full of Hashing joy,
Things to make your Hash bright and gay [not that there’s anything wrong with it]
He's got Hot Cheetos for Hoser,
Colored MD 20/20 bottles for sister Slutty,
There's a Tecate for your Mommy
And an oil can lager, too.

Oh! here comes Peter Cock-On-Trail,
Hashin' down the crumby trail,
Hippity hoppity, On On On

Happy Hashing day.

Here comes Peter Cock-On-Trail,
Hashin' down the bunny trail,
Look at him stop, and listen to him say:
"CHECK IN! Go this way, go that way."
Maybe if you're extra good,
He'll roll lots of beer your way.

You'll wake up on Monday morning
And you'll know that he was there
When you find those chalk and flour marks
That he's hiding everywhere.

Oh! here comes Peter Cock-On-Trail,
Hashin' down the crumby trail,
Hippity hoppity, On On On
Happy Hashing Easter day!

Beautiful day for a family hash. Family? Kids? Yes. Didn’t you see the Hashspace add? I think one of our harriette “mothers” posed for a La Leche campaign poster on the importance of breastfeeding. Yeah, that’s what it was! We don’t just get drunk you know, we get drunk for a cause! Our hares Porta John and his beautiful assistant Bi da Numbers met up at the famous Rosa’s Cantina – hashers with their two and four legged kids gathered for this special occasion. “I don’t pre-lay,” exclaimed Porta…”Cheez, this is out of my comfort zone, what do I do? I wanna be chased cause I’m a hare, ya know?” “Relax honey, you’ll be a’right. You have to go cook your famous habenero burgers, clean the house, pick up the yard, feed the dog, massage my feet, and cool the beer! Besides, they think Point B is at our house anyway!” With her evil laugh, BidNumbers adjusted her cotton tail, sexed up her boobs and headed for Doniphan.

So many dogs too! WTF, thought this was next week? No. It’s every week in our hash. Hounds. And one pony. Ok, two. Just Brutus eeeeewwww and ahhhhed the kids and let himself be transformed into a doghare. The group hopped on down the trail that eventually split for both the runners and the walkers. Heineken was trying to impress PR on his dog training-al-Cesar-Millan skill. ”Pr, I know about Boston Terriers, ‘cause I’ve watched Dogs 101. Did you know that there are over 4167 active gangs in the United States. Yeah, that was on the Discovery Channel, and where’s Peter? Have you seen Clash of the Titans, I have. What does Frankie eat? Joe snores. Wow, it’s hot.”…….to which eventually PR desperately yelled, “Hey Heineken, why don’t leave me the dog and run over there by Mesa and find your mommy? Whew..Calgon take me away already!!!”

The group headed into the glorious Sunland Park neighborhood crossing through their famous park, where neighboring children play …but only after local heroin and meth addicts finish up their association meeting each night. Fur Burger helped her baby along the Rio Grande where we eventually met up with the walkers. Where are the huevos? Some of the kids picked up what they believed were recently layed Easter eggs only to discover that they were left behind THREE YEARS AGO. “Don’t worry kids, it’s a short and sweet trail. By mile 5, the trail looked like a shit load of Yoda carrying cadets. Somewhere toward the end of the trail, Teacher and Hung Daddy merged into the group -of course they did, why wouldn’t they? The other half of the pack resorted to following our RA Hoser cause he knows. He knows that Point B is at Porta’s house. Like Hare-Krishnas (HEY! this worked well for the hash trash, eh?) we followed him. The FRB’s circled around towards his house only to be told by an autohashing Sgt. Goo and his sister that trail went the udder way. Phuck! So the pack turned back and headed in the other direction towards the Rio Grande where we finally met up with a bunch of tired and huevo-less hashers! “Didn’t you guys find the eggs?” asked Porta. “No, but some of us are ovulating, does that COUNT?!!!!” Chingado.

Circle up!!! Damn, is it me or is the circle big as hell? Ms. Pinky wasn’t feeling too hot and sat...and so did Slutty, and Goo, and Ditch, and Balsy, and Elmer. HEY! You’ve only ran 9 miles around a 2 mile radius. I also noticed that we picked up about 6 extras along the trail too. After an out of control down down, the hares headed back in hopes of seeing the yellow chariot waiting for us. Like Mexicans in downtown, the hares sat around waiting for their ride. Oh and Hash and behold, did anyone notice that Dr. Wang sprung into the first wave of vehicles and did not return? Um. Paging Dr. Wang? Did you get lost and made your way to the on after instead of picking up tired hashers? Que huevos! The on after was hosted by the hares and in usual fashion Bi da Numbers and Porta cooked up a delicious post hash menu for us huevo-nes. Other items of interest:

Hashit – RA Hoser

Literal Hounds – Sir Licks A Lot & Justs Amigo, Brutus & Frankie

Fam Friendlies – Heineken Skywalker, Just Brittany w/Swallows, Just Kassie w/Pink Slit, Just Joseph & Clit Eastwood w/Mary KY, Hacker Wacker & Furr Burger with Thighs daughter, Used Rubber’s daughter, Slutty’s baby’s baby

Voigins – Just Clayton, Just Celina

Absent two weeks in a row – Barney

Beer Bitchin’ though not on trail – Sergeant Goober

50^th – My Teacher Made Me Cum – hey does that count BJ hashes too?

Stickered – Eat=mycunt2wice & Food Stamp, who gave up hashing for Lent

Noble pack – Just Eli, Pussy Whipt, Puss In Boots, Elmer Pudd Phucker, Balls In Hand, Beer Battered, Pussy Rican, Cock Shock Therapy, No String Attached, Just Bryan, Just Brad, Clitigation, Eargasm, Baa Baa Lost It, Limp Limb, Clucker Fucker, Just Jess, Ditch the Bitch, and DW

Once again the EPH3 cums togther for another great day of hashing. Remember if you have huevos and a half mind, then that’s all you need. ON ON.

Sin Fin. Twat Rott

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HASH TRASH MARCH 28, 2010 - Better Late than Never!

EPHIII Hash Trash DIES SOLIS ID. MART. MMDCCLXIII A.U.C.

History of the Hash Part II

(Written in Times New Roman)

"…through conviction under the law was cast as a prostitute, most visibly through imposition of the label of the toga, the prostitute's badge of shame.”

Hasher please! We’re harriettes. Bitch.

The Evil Hashing Emperors

Tiberius Pony – “The emperor who trusted Sejanus and lived a debauched life in Capri”

Caligula Hoser –“The evil emperor who proclaimed himself a God”

Nero Wacker – “The mad tyrant who blamed the Christians for the burning of Rome”

Domitian Wakes – “The evil emperor who murdered thousands of non-hashing Christians”

Commodus Cock - “More savage than Domitian, more foul than nero”

Carachalla Puss – “The common enemy of mankind"

Elagabalus SCAB – “He married a Vestal Virgin and then took a husband..."

Carinus Battered – “The debauched Emperor suspected of incest”

Act I.

Our harriettes Clitigation, Sushi Tacos and Swallows the Kids chose the corner of North Loop and Carolina for Sunday’s hash as Roman soldiers and divas gathered for our Toga, Toga, Toga Hash and man what a group it was! Immediate and most notable was SCAB- kinda looked like Caligula’s lit’l bitch with his tiny cheerleading skirt and sandals…how cute!!! All I know is hat Heineken kept asking why he couldn't be his little sister. Oh before that…in the John’s household…[not that we were listening]

Porta: It's not gonna be an orgy! It's a toga hash!

BiDa: Honestly, Porta, you're 44-years old. In six months you're going to retire, and tomorrow evening you're going to wrap yourself in a bed sheet and pour grain alcohol all over your head. It's cute, but I think I'll pass this time.

Porta: Want me to go alone?

BiDa: Baby, I don't want you to go at all.

Porta: It's a Hash, I'm in the Hash. How can I miss it?

BiDa: I'll write you a note. I'll say you're too well to attend!

Hoser in true self began questioning the validity of our costumes..OF COURSE HE WOULD. WHY WOULDN’T HE? I mean we were historically off (as he pointed out) some Greek, some Roman, some Bed, Bath and Beyond and me - I was wearing ‘cheese cloth” and others like Used Rubber and E=mc2 pulled the curtains off their poor mama’s living room window. So? So? Rome was not a country ..and it’s not Greece but Greece was part of the Roman Empire – wasn’t it? And and Rome was founded by twins..who were raised by a she-wolf (hound) and prince Aeneas (not anus folks) son of Alphrodite..Wow! Hmmm no wonder were there was a divine drive to attend last week’s hash – I mean, a “hound” did raise some crazy ass twins, founded Rome and then there was that cool movie Animal House and Toga parties and now we have a toga hash. See the connection? ??

Puss looked like Jesus Christ -well that be ok since Easter was just around the corner behind a rock. VIRGIN, VIRGINS, VIRGINS so many of them in attendance…Caligula Hoser adjusted his RING and scooped up some LARD in dem shorts before the start of the hash juuuuuussssttttt in case he ran into one of ‘em. And so it began..

Act II.

The trail stretched across a dusty Lower Valley. Like Roman soldiers, and their maidens, the hashers paraded through the scores of onlookers like athletes on their way to the arena. “What the fuck are you all doing?” yelled a shocked patron whose idea of exercise is the walk to the fridge. Isn’t it fascinating how soooo many onlookers are shocked and pissed ‘cause were “running?” I kept Just Veronica and her hubby voigen Just “Sensei” Paul close by cause you never know if these two Black Belt –ball cracking duo needed my help out there in the barrio, just saying.

We made our way towards Hillcrest Middle pit – where the beer awaited us! Some of us. “They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!” No beer, no beer, no beer, no beer! Ms. Sexy Cabooty never stopped. Running - Up, down, side to side - I think her booby screws are speed adjusters – I) FRB II) Fuck ya’all. Damn girl do they make those for vajayjays? The hounds continued over and across the country side towards the ditch . Greece I believe it was. No – it stopped and we were lost. "Heinken..get your little ass out there and look for trail before SCAB takes you up for his bride." We decided to put our heads together and head back to the beer check. By then, several togas were showing signs of distress in the form – SKID MARKS…yuckers Romans! We looped again and eventually got back on trail. Pony pumper AKA the “horse guy from the Duran Duran video ‘Girls on Film’ walked in front as I made my way to B. Almost jump on him I tell ya…From the distance I saw the largest gathering I’ve since..well since um..last WEEK!

Act III.

Circle up!! So it came to pass the company of fellow hashers, disguised grossly as serious runners, broke out into riotous phallic dances and song, enjoyed equally by those who looked on and by those who took part (eventually) or at least after Hoser threatened to tie their balls with cat gut and force red wine down their throats. “The hash is out of control, the hash is out of control!” Our GMc took over song meister duties to either egg on or help da Caligula Hoser (we’ll never know). Of course it's all PORTA'a fault!

Beer bitching by the way is NOT Beer Battered’s cup of tati – I mean, you’d think by virtue of his NAME that he’d have some experience? Throw him to the Lions, I say! And so Caligula Hoser, in RA god self – kept it short cause we were out of chips and um accusations. Oh and our DFL Hacker Wacker was eventually released by the Cristo Rey Catholic Church after they discovered that he WASN’T circumcised. The Yellow Chariot awaited. And waited. And waited. Alas, Nero Wacker brought his miniature pony and helped kick start the sacred chariot. In true regressive fashion, we sat and sung our way to Point A

- beer chugging, butt showing, cop teasing selves….

Other items of dis-interest:

Hares - Clitigation, Sushi Taco, Swallows the Kids

FRB – Baby Wood (WTF!?!?) Is he still mad?

Hashit – Paging Doctor Faggot

DFL – Hacker Wacker!

50^th hash IOU (why are we not surprised, Wang?) – Eye Fucked Up

Cumming problemos – Eargasm, Elmer Pud Phucker, STIFFY, OffHand, SCAB, Kenya Spank M’Monkey, Likes It In Da Caboose, Bring Your Own Bitch

Voigins – Just Jess, Just Alex, Just Skeeter, Just Paul III & Just Brian, hashed in cowboy boots (did he pay?)

Yet to be named – Just Eli, Just Phoenix, Just Paul II, Just Veronica, Just Brittany, Just Amigo

Togaed & un pack – Puss In Boots, Pink Slit, Balls In Hand, Cock Shock Therapy, Heineken Skywalker, Bi the Numbers, PortaJohn, Beer Battered, Hose Handler, Used Rubber, Eat=mycunt2wice, Baa Baa Lost Shit, Anal Akbar, Hung Daddy Tutu (with Just Benjie), Sir Licks A Lot, Dogg E. Porn, Cuntortionistá, Hacker Wacker, Pussy Rican, Wakes Me When It’s Over, Turd Burglar, No String Attached, Dr Wang

onafter only – Mary KY & Pussy Whipt

IV.

The hashers met up at a local thermopolia (Roman Rudy’s) for good eats and more spirits. In future harlot fashion, Used Rubber kept the male virgins close to her bosom as her sibling E=mc2 kept a watchful eye ..ready to block any cock that got to close to this virgin maiden…”achewbushit!” The Emperors and sacred harriettes rejoiced and celebrated their journey, fondled each other and scratched their royal testicles. Ah what could be better???Another hash of course.

VI. Sin Fin.

“And most recently of all, a "Roman Toga Hash" was held from which we have received more than two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here”

Twat Rott. On On.